I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
