So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Randomize
