My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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