if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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