This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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