the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
