Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize