you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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