She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
