I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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