If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
only you would photoshop your dick
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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