pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
