I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize