it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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