I want to have your abortion
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
