$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Randomize
