at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
