how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
