So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
