i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize