she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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