hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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