I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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