Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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