Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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