Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
