the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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