I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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