My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize