Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
grandma shit on top of the toilet
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
