i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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