Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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