i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
