As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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