mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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