the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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