Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
