I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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