she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
