im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
