i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
