It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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