every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
