Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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