Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
