So drunk its hurt
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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