It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
