I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
