Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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