I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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