I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
