I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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