Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
