Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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