You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
