ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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