Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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