Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
