He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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