Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize