I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Bring me that man meat
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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