we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
