Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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