i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
