why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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