that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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