this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
