Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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