Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
