I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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