If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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