There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
