The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
