Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
