I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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