i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize