I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
